Tale Of A One Night Stand
by Phooka
Summary: Who would've known that one terribly cliche, over-used plotline, would lead Chiba Tsunemi and Taira Yoshiyuki down the road to finding eachother when they were both spiraling into nowhere. ChibaXTaira Slash Taira's POV


Tale Of A One Night Stand, a BECK fanfiction.

Pairing: Chiba Tsunemi X Taira Yoshiyuki

Characters (Other): Ryusuke Minami, Maho Minami, Saku, Yukio Tanaka AKA Koyuki.

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I do not own BECK in any way shape or form, I do though, own the soundtrack; YAY!

Summary: A collection of scenes starting at the beginning of the American Tour. All involving Chiba, Taira, and their evolving relationship.

P.S.: I apologize for all the spelling and grammar issues. My spell-check is currently not working, I did my best to edit on my own, but please keep in mind that english has never been my forte.

It was dark, and it was hot, and I was trying to get Chiba's shirt off while kissing him at the same time – not an easy task as we both stumbled into our hotel room. We were trying to be quiet, so Saku and Koyuki (who are right next door) wont hear us; but at the same time neither of us are really giving a damn because we're in the throws of passion, not too mention that both of us are ripped out of our skulls. Chiba is kissing me fiercely and working on my belt buckle at the same time, all because at some point between the first drink, and the last, my mindset went from: 'We're friends' to 'He's cute' to 'Oh, _god – _take me now.'

Chiba finally managed to get my shirt off, his eyes smouldering in the half-light.

"Fuck, Chiba" I gasped, "I-I've wanted ... always I-" Chiba skimmed his lips against mine, effective in both shutting me up and distracting me from how we were edging slowly towards the bed. My mind was spinning and I could taste cheap liquor on his lips, neck, and chest (or maybe the taste was coming from my own mouth, I really couldn't tell.) But after each kiss I was left wanting for more. I didn't know if we would remember this through the haze of the hangover we would surely have come morning. All I was sure of was that Chiba's hands were on my hips, his mouth and toungue were tracing a trail down my jaw, and I could hear him uttering a steady stream of curses, endearments, and dirty talk all under his breath. I could hear every word that he was speaking and yet I couldn't say a damn thing.

***

Saku and Koyuki had just gotten back from their midnight run to the convieniance store when they walked past Chiba and Taira's room.

"Do you think we should've gotten them something?" Koyuki asks, feeling guilty all of the sudden for his selfishness.

"Nah, from the sounds of things Taira's busy." Saku replies. Touring with a bass player who had the talent and the body that Taira had made the boys used to the kinds of noises that were coming, muffled, from the room.

"Another girl?" Koyuki's eyes are wide, he had never been good with women, even after he managed to snag his girlfriend Maho... or she managed to snag him, no-one's really sure.

"Yeah, I wonder where Chiba is? Sleeping in the van, maybe?" Saku's eyes scrunch up in confusion, but then they hear a loud, and very distinct Chiba-like moan from inside the room.

The boys are stunned for a moment, because while Taira brought a girl back every other night, Chiba hadn't gotten one in, well, ever.

Soon though, Koyuki and Saku are high-fiving on behalf of Chiba, and are now contemplating where Taira might be.

Irony. It's a bitch, ain't it?

***

I was woken by three knocks that sounded more like cannonblasts, and I was none too happy. "Shit." I muttered sitting up slowly and - oh _god_, that hurt. A twinge went up my spine from the tip of my tailbone, it felt like I'd been fucked up the...

Oh no.

Oh, _hell_ no.

A muscled arm is resting against my side, copper skin, soft snores, a mass of black, curly hair that could only belong to Chiba. I'm staring at him in horror now, because there's no way that we could've done what I think we did.

Three more knocks, quicker and sharper than the last, make me cover my ears and groan. "I'm coming, okay? Christ!" I throw off the sheets and Chiba's torso is revealed: all soft curves and rivlets and smooth, dark skin. (I'll give Chiba one thing, he does have beautiful skin) I forget a second time and stand up too fast, that twinge runs up my spine again, I bite back the groan and manage to only wince instead as I walk slowly to the door, opening it grimly. I swear if Ryusuke's on the other end he's going to get an earful.

"Morning Taira! Koyuki and I are walking down to the store and want to know if you need anythi- " Saku suddenly stops speaking, his face turning bright red.

"Yeah, pick me up some Advil or something okay? My heads killing me."

Saku's staring at me as he nods, and I can't understand why until I close the door and see that:

A) I'm totally naked except for a T-shirt and

B) The shirt is Chiba's.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

And now, standing in the doorway to the hotel room I'm wondering if maybe (and yes, I know I'm crazy) maybe, I could crawl into the bed again without waking Chiba up. I'm half-asleep, and sore, and hungover, and I really, really don't want to sleep on the couch. Plus, I'm one of those people who sleeps with like, fifty blankets because for some strange reason I'm always cold, and the only heater is in the bedroom.

I chew on my thumbnail, a bad habit of mine, pull off the nail and bite the skin, licking at the little bit of blood that wells up. I'm terribly indecisive, a bad habit that I've never been able to shake, and I just can't decide. On one hand, I could crawl back into bed and risk waking up Chiba. On the other hand, he's going to wake up eventually - there's no stopping that - not too mention the baby-soft, toasty-warm, blankets and pillows.

My mind is made up, and I gently pull up one corner of the blanket, Chiba's still-sleeping form shivers as cold air hits his chest. God, why does he have to be naked? I ease myself onto the mattress slowly, wincing when I feel Chiba's skin rub against mine and fuck - now his arm is tightening around my abdomen and pulling me against his stomach, tucking me under his chin - for the love of God why must he be naked!?

Chiba inclines his head just so and I can feel is hot breathing, slow and even against my neck. I can hear and feel his heart beating, and soon I feel myself slipping back into sleep.

***

Screaming.

Harsh. Loud. Definatley something I do not want to hear, especially with this killer hangover.

"Chiba! Shut the fuck up!" I toss a pillow at him, but he deserves worse. I don't see why he's screaming, as thats not going to help our somewhat unbelievable (and terribly cliche) situation.

"B-but we... and you, and I -!" Chiba is gaping helplessly, gesturing wildly, and unfortunatley is giving me quite the view, as the blanket has fallen around below his thighs.

"Dude, cover up!" Chiba looks down quickly, sees his current state of dress and hastily pulls the blanket up to his shoulders, his ears turn a little pink as he does so.

"Taira, did we...?" He leaves the end of the question unvoiced, and my mind can't help but fill in the blanks. Uggh.

"As much as I hate to say it, judging by the way my ass feels, yeah. We did." I can't stand how surreal this is, like something straight out of one of those daytime talk shows ("Today on ____ "I slept with my best friend!""). Chiba crosses his arms over his chest, like he's concentrating.

"But, we were drunk, right? I can't really remember anything about last night." He opens one eye and regards me, serious "Can you?"

I shake my head, no, but immediatley regret it when the small movement makes my brain throb. It's still hard to believe that I actually had a one night stand with Chiba. I mean, how much more cheesy and melo-dramatic can it get? We both were drunk - hammered, more like it. But part of me was still in shock, still wondering if maybe me and Chiba ended up in the same bed through some sort of crazy misshap (unlikely, but anything's possible in BECK) I stared at Chiba, and he stared at me, and both of us were wondering just how much our realationship was about to change.

"I'm not gay, alright?" His voice is soft, but even.

"I know." Is my reply, but when I look into his hazel eyes I have to look away - quickly - so he doesn't see my dissapointment.

***

"What now?"

We've been lying in bed, side by side, for over an hour. Neither one of us wanting to move because then we'd have to face reality.

I shrugged. "We can't tell the guys, especially not Ryusuke..." Chiba nodded his head furiously at this point. For Ryusuke, it had always been BECK first, everything else second, and we were 99.9% sure that his reaction couldn't be a good one.

"This could destroy the band." Chiba looked scared, a rare thing as the rapper often covered his feelings through a mask of goofy happiness. The band was really all Chiba had left, hell it was all any of us had left. A one-in-a-million shot that we may have just screwed up.

"That's why we don't tell them." I looked Chiba in the eye, "We were drunk right? So there's really nothing for us to tell. I'm not gay, you're not gay, I don't see why we have to make this a big deal."

"Taira, we had sex, for christs' sake!" Chiba's voice was rising in volume, because really, since when had Chiba ever been able to stay quiet for more than five minutes? I was well aware that Koyuki was sleeping in the room next to us, and I had no intention of letting our youngest band member find out about what transpired.

"And it won't happen again. Okay?"

"O-okay."

***

The funny thing about lying is that soon it becomes all too natural. That if you can do it right, a lie can be as good as the truth. For instance, everyone in BECK now believes that the reason why, for the past week, I walked like I had a stick up my ass is because I slipped in the shower; not because I was fucked up the ass by my best friend. They believe that I haven't taken off my shirt on stage for awhile not because I'm covered in still-healing bite marks and hickeys, but because winter in San Fransisco is so damn cold. They all believe I keep fucking up my base lines during practice because I'm exhausted from touring, not because I can't keep my eyes off Chiba; which is really becoming a problem.

For the life of me I can't figure out why what happened, happened. Chiba to me still looks like the same old Chiba, except now, I'm trying to remember how he felt inside me.

***

I'm not gay, I'm sure of that, because I still find mmyself swarmed by girls after every set. Girls have natural gaydar, or at least Maho says so, they wouldn't give a gay guy their numbers, right? The thing is though, before I'd always call those numbers back, and for at least a week after a show I'd be with a different woman every night (and Chiba would be locked out of the hotel room.) But this time is different, this time when I finish my set and walk into the crowd of eagerly awaiting girls, it's only to find my shirt. This time I look at their faces: the brunette in the front who looks like she's not even fourteen, a blonde with an orange tan who's sending me a come-hither glance with too much mascara. I'm not attracted to any of them, all shouting "Taira-Kun! Taira-Kun!" In high voices; I wonder why I ever was. A tall, classic-asian beauty: black hair, brown eyes, perfect skin - she comes forward and hands me my shirt, petting my leg as she does so and pulling forward so she's level with my ear. "The Parker Place Hotel, Room 214" She whispers, then struts away. Her jean skirt is riding low on her hips, exposing a crimson-red thong. I fight the urge to gag.

***

Ryusuke had slept with his fair share of women, and done some pretty nasty-things. He'd considred himself, briefly, to be the King of one-night stands. Until, that is, he met Taira. That guy could pull in the ladies the way Ryusuke never could. So that's why it came as a shock when, a week before they were leaving for California, Ryusuke passed Taira's room and could've sworn he heard Taira muttering and moaning Chiba's name. Which was weird, because he knew for a fact that Chiba was downstairs going over lyrics with Koyuki. Not too mention that Taira would never masturbate, not with the level of tail he could pull in without even trying, so Ryusuke discarded what he heard, he was probably mistaken. After all, the idea of Taira falling in love with, or getting together with Chiba was laughable. Impossible. So Ryusuke turned away from the door and continued down the hall, hoping the vending machine wasn't out of peach juice.

***

The next time I awoke with Chiba's arm slung across my chest I had to remind myself it was because we were on tour and the entire band was sleeping in the van, not because what I'd been fantasizing about for the past two-weeks had finally happened. I closed my eyes tight and wondered if Chiba always slept with that little smile on his face.

When I woke up again a few hours later, Chiba and the rest of the band were already up, (Except for Ryusuke and Maho, who would sleep forever if you let them) and I saw that someone had draped a blanket over me.

I could hear Koyuki and Saku arguing over the last can of juice, and Chiba complaining that there wasn't a bathroom or a shower. I found myself silently agreeing to his complaints, simply because sharing a hotel room with Chiba led me to love it when he was in the shower. Most people would sing in the shower, but Chiba raps, his only rhythm the water beating on the tile. Whenever I would hear that in the morning I'd wonder why Chiba so often doubted his talent, why he believed that Ryusuke would kick him out in favour of Koyuki anytime. But Chiba had something Koyuki just didn't (not that Koyuki isn't amazing, that kid can _sing._) because with Chiba it was all about being raw and powerful and spilling his emotions on stage so -like it or not - everyone could see them. When I first watched Chiba preform I knew that BECK would never be complete without him, and that sometimes a dream is just that. A stupid. Fucking. Dream.

***

The van we tour in is the biggest safety hazard I've ever seen and it is still a mystery to me how Saku - who still doesn't have his licensce - had managed to obtain it. It bumped and skidded it's way down the highway, brakes screeching with every turn, and the only reason why I ever agreed to ride in it is because Ryusuke gave me his word that Chiba would never, ever, be allowed to drive.

Did I mention Ryusuke is a fucking liar?

I held on for my life as Chiba sped down the highway, taking twisting and curving routes that would make even the most expierianced driver think twice. Not Chiba though, he drove right through, Generation 69 was blasting from the radio as I gripped my seat.

"Chiba, could you please slow down?" I shouted after a particularly sharp turn. He grinned at me, a wicked smile that I couldn't help but think was sexy.

"What Taira-Kun? Don't tell me you doubt my driving skills." I did, I really did. Suprisingly, Chiba complied and slowed down a little bit, and I lossened my death-grip from the seat.

"Thank-you." I whispered. And then Chiba gave me a look that I, for the life of me, can never describe. A mix of softness and something else that made my breath catch.

'No problem." He says, then cranks the stereo and starts singing along.

***

California has a reputation of being one of the best cities for music in the world. It didn't let us down, as it's the place where we had one of our best shows ever. Where my bass and Ryusuke's guitar were right on edge with eachother, where Saku pumped out beats in time to Koyuki's voice and Maho almost forgot to take photos beause she was too busy jumping and screaming in the mosh pit. Where Chiba threw out lyrics to the crowd like a promise, like they either could catch the meanings or be hit in the face by them.

Where after the show, three weeks of sexual tension overflowed and I slammed Chiba hard against the bathroom wall, crushing my mouth to his.

"What the fuck, Taira?" Chiba shouted after we'd broken apart, but all I could look at were his kiss-reddened lips. I pressed my mouth to his again, ignoring his protests and loving the way his lips opened in a rush of breath to meet mine. This kiss was slower, softer, but still held the urgency. I started easing Chiba back against the wall.

"Not...gay..." He panted inbetween kisses, but now he was pressing his lips agianst mine with force, taking control. He fought back and pushed me against he opposite wall, rutting his knee shamelessly inbetween my thighs. "I'm not - " Kiss, "Gay."

"I don't care," I moaned, my hands fisted in his shirt. "Just don't stop."

He captured my lips again and I pulled him closer, lacing my fingers deep in his hair. His knee was still working against me and I found my self arching into it, unable to bite back my moans.

Then his lips were travelling lower, down my neck and shoulder, biting my nipple through my shirt and settling at my waist.

Oh god, he couldn't be doing what I thought he was doing and - pleasedon'tstop! He's pulling at my zipper, my pants fall around my ankles followed by my boxers, and now I've lost all coherant thought. Chiba takes a few breaths before we both completely lose ourselves, and he shows me that he really is good with his mouth.

***

The next few weeks are a foggy collage of me and Chiba sneaking out whenever there's an oppurtunity to have sex. Everytime he insists that he's not gay, everytime ends with us both naked and sated and wanting for more. We had sex anywhere, anytime. In bathrooms, laundryrooms, pools, empty hotel rooms, backstage at venues after everyone has left. We made an art out of sneaking out at night to have sex in the van and so far, it seemed that no-one had a clue.

I had told myself early-on that Chiba would never feel for me what I was starting to feel for him, that there was no point in getting attached because for him, this was just about the sex. I was the one in this twisted realationship who was using Chiba, I was the one who was half-fufilling my wish to be with him with casual sex. I was the one who always asked to be held after, and cried sometimes after he'd left because I knew Chiba wasn't feeling what I was feeling. But I continued on, because being with him physically was better than nothing, right?

***

It was on a hazy morning in Ohio when I awoke freezing cold because we'd fallen asleep in the fucking van after sex.

Fuck.

And I was shaking Chiba awake because if we weren't back by the time everyone else woke up we'd be screwed.

"Chiba!" I half- whispered half-shouted, "Wake up!"

He groaned and pulled me down so I was lying almost on top of him. "Five more minutes, please Taira?" He said the words against my neck and started kissing and sucking.

"No, we can't, they'll be up any minute." But he was licking my earlobe now, his hands ghosting towards the hem of my jeans, his fingertips slipping under. "Chiba." I whimpered, arching into his hips.

He pulls off my pants and pulls his off too and before I know it he's ucking me against the seat of the van.

"Un! Fuck, Chiba, stop!" But I was gripping his back, rocking my hips to meet his thrusts, and knew neither of us could stop if we wanted. "Unh, Chiba- oh, Chiba. Ah! Ah!"

I was panting, he bit my throat roughly and thrusted harder, deeper, I tightened my legs around his back. He was muttering, something he did often in bed, whispering curses and endearments against my neck.

"Ah, Chiba! I'm -!" He bit down on my neck, muffling his own cry as he came inside of me, I followed barely a second later, my muscles clenching around him.

"Oh fuck, oh Chiba, oh god." I was panting, lying spent and flushed against his chest. He didn't say anything, just pulled my body tighter against his. I could feel his seed running down the back of my leg, and his stomach was covered in mine, but we were both too tired to clean up.

"...Maybe they're over here..."

Me and Chiba both heard the voice, sounding just like Maho's, followed by a door slamming. Our eyes met, both wide in shock. It took a split second before we were both up, pulling on our clothes lightning fast.

"Fuck, where's my shirt!?" Chiba tossed it at my head, pulling up his pants as he did so. I don't think I've ever gotten dressed so fast in my life.

We both finished, and Chiba was in the process of smoothing out his messed-up hair when the door flew open. It was Maho, looking at both of us with suspicion.

"What are you guys up too?"

I found myself gasping, babbling, and without a lie. Chiba suprisingly, saved us both.

"Taira was helping me go over some new lyrics Ryusuke gave me, you know I can't understand english. So Taira was helping me translate. Sorry, I guess we should've left a note." He shrugged and looked down at the floor, waiting for her reaction.

"Yeah, you should've. Everyone was worried." She glanced between the two of us once more, a little too slowly for my liking.

"Um, sorry." I said, hoping my voice didn't sound strange, and proceeded to jump out of the van, Chiba followed. We were half-way up the hotel stairs before Chiba stopped, grabbing my shoulder.

"Your neck," He said, brushing his fingers against the place he bit. "Do you think she noticed?"

I shrugged, hoping she didn't but suddenly remebering the suspicious tone to her voice, the way she looked both of us over.

"No, I don't think so." I replied, so he wouldn't worry, but inside my guts were twisting.

***

"Taira, where'd you get that bruise?" That was Koyuki, who hadn't spoken all practice until now, so instantly all eyes were on me. God, sometimes I could ring his little neck. Chiba accidentally knocked over the mike stand and I knew he didn't have another quick excuse.

"Probably another girl.' Saku laughed, winking, and I sighed in relief.

"Really? I don't remember you bringing back a girl. And Chiba wasn't knocking on my door, trying to find a place to sleep." I winced. God dammit, Koyuki.

"I went over to her place, I figured you guys were gettig tired of me kicking Chiba out of the room." I said the comment lightly, convincingly, but part of me was still nervously expecting Koyuki to reveal that I was lying and obviously screwing Chiba. Sneaking around so often had given me that kind of paranoia. But of course, the guys swallowed the lie easily, even congradulated me about the so-called "ladies-man" that I was. It made me sick to my stomach, because I was lying to my band - my friends - about something shameful; because the only 'lady" I'd been with was one Chiba Tsunemi, who so-far, had never once bottomed.

***

I was looking for some long-forgotten poster for a band we'd opened for when I decided to just fuck it, and emptied the contents of my suitcase on the floor. The poster was there, crumpled beyond reconition and next to an oddly firmilliar black shirt. I say oddly because I don't own a black shirt, I just can't associate myself with the color. When I think of black I think of inky black curls twisting under my fingers. I think of eyes that are so brown they're often thought to be black. I think of a line of black hairs drawing a trail up to a golden-brown naval. I think of Chiba. And then it clicks, and I know that this shirt must belong to him. It's the one I wore after our first time,after our "one night stand" and I don't know why, because we're barely even fuck buddies, but to me, it's something special. Pathetic, I know. But it's worn and soft and envelopes me in a smell that's Chiba - all Chiba. I hug it to my chest and fight back the sudden, insane urge I have to cry.

***

New York was the last stop on our tour as well as Ryusuke and Maho's home town. It wasn't our best show, but it had the right type of feel to it. After all the long days and nights of touring it felt nice just to play for the hell of it, for the feel of the music, to have fun.

We stage dived, screamed, goofed around and expierimented with impromtu rifts and lyrics. We sold a shitload of albums and handed out a shitload for free.

And after the show we went to the closest local dive (Ryusuke said it was a good place, but Ryusuke said a lot of things) and celebrated a tour well done. Maho had gotten all of her pictures printed out that morning and now had them spread out on the table in front of us.

"Look, that's when we hopped that fence in Ohio to go swimming and Chiba nearly drowned." Maho jabbed the picture with her thumb and laughed, and Chiba huffed, muttering something about how it wasn't his fault that his Mother couldn't afford to give him swimming lessons.

"And that's when we got to play with that band that does all the Operation Ivy covers." Ryusuke commented.

Saku picked up a picture of himself with a green tinted face \nd winced. "The first and last time I drink alcohol. Ever.'

We all laughed and talked and sat around the table thinking _this is what it's all about. _Then, all of a sudden, never minding that we were in front of the entire band, Chiba pulled me forward and kissed me.

I pulled my mouth roughly apart from his, Ryusuke's eyes were wide, Koyuki looked stunned, Saku had turned sheet white and Maho was smiling, like she knew it all along.

And I was trapped somewhere between yelling "Eww! What the _fuck_, Chiba?" and spilling my guts and telling everyone the truth. Even to Chiba, because maybe he could figure out why my stomach clenched everytime I looked at him. But while I was still debating what to do, the twelve beers Chiba had downed caught up with him.

He fainted.

***

Chiba didn't speak much about his family, usually he'd let a comment slip out in conversation and I found it a wonder that I'd managed to gather what I knew about the rapper.

He had two brothers, both of whom were older and one of whom was deaf.

He could speak sign language and could talk just as quickly with his hands as with his mouth.

The only thing that could compete with his love for his Mother, was his hatred for his Father and seeing the way Chiba's eyes turned dark when he spoke of him made me want to kill the bastard who dared to call himself Chiba's old man.

I couldn't relate at all, my parents had both worked in bussiness. Mom as a secretary and Dad as an accountant. They were almost never home, and when I was younger I used to think they were terrible for leaving me alone, the worst parents alive.

Everytime Chiba curls up next to me, I count his scars and suddenly my parents look like saints.

***

Maho knew something was up between Taira and Chiba, she just knew it. Women have a sixth sense about these things. The only problem now, was proving it. She had plenty of evidence, they'd been sneaking around and acting strangly almost since the beginning of the tour, and of course, there had been the kiss after the New York show. Yes, Chiba had been completely plastered at the time, but Maho was a girl. And as a girl, she knew the only reason to get drunk, was so you had an excuse to make a move on the person you liked without having to worry about social taboos. Or at least that was the way it worked in the girl world. But Chiba was girly enough though, especially considering the way he'd screamed when he'd found a big, black spider in the van.

***

It's strange that even though Chiba claims to be straight, he's the one who always comes to my bed at night. It's strange that even though we're "just friends" he keeps kissing me when he's drunk. It's strange that since the tour ended, I haven't seen him once.

I'm fucking pissed too, because I'm so tired of his mixed signals. He thinks he can just pick me up and fool around with me whenever he pleases, and not feel any guilt that we're lying to our best friends. And then I feel guilty, because he's not my boyfriend, he didn't fucking ask for this, I'm the one who kissed him in the bathroom so many month ago and started all this shit up again.

I really don't know just how long I can keep this up, becase sometimes just being around Chiba kills me, and all these words I don't want to say start crawling up my throat. Just when I start thinking that maybe, not seeing Chiba for awhile may be a good thing, I hear the knock on my door that must belong to him. No-one else is obnoxious enough to knock continuosly, while ringing the doorbell and calling my name at the same time. The way he makes his prescence known is rude, and annoying, but just so _Chiba _that it takes all my willpower not to kiss him when I open the door.

"Hey."

It's been raining outside and his curls are plastered to his forehead in a way that is goofy-sexy and his eyes looked like chipped glass. Raindrops cling to his eyelashes and curve down the angle of his nose. "Can I come in, or are you going to stand there all day eye-fucking me? 'Cause either way I brought chips." He held up the foil bag and pushed his way inside to sit on the couch, kicking his muddy boots off as he went.

I can't think of anything to say, so I sit down next to him, the couch sagging with our combined weight. He picks up the remote and starts lazily flipping through channels, the chips are forgotten on the floor and I can hear his even breathing. He still hasn't told me why he's come, but I let it rest. I lean against the couch and don't even realise that my eyes are drifting closed, that I' almost asleep until he pulls me down so I'm half on top of him.

'Chiba?"

"You're tired, right? Go to sleep. I don't mind being your pillow.'

I comply, and for a moment I feel like something has changed between us, something feels differen't, my chest feels like it's on fire. It's hard to breathe and all around me I can smell his scent, it's intoxiating. I don't know how long we just sit there, together, in content silence.

"Ch-Chiba?' I ready myself, breath in deeply. This is it, I'm going to tell him.

"Can you move?' He interuppts. "Sorry, but I really have to pee." I sigh and move up from my position on his chest, and as he does his bussiness in the bathroom I try not to cry over what a fucking idiot I am.

***

I don't know why (though I think it may have something to do with the fact that my refridgerator is always stocked) but Chiba's been coming over a lot lately.

Sometimes it's for sex - hot in my bedroom or on the living room couch. Sometimes, it's for money, 'cause being in a band doesn't exactly _pay_. Sometimes it's not just Chiba, but Chiba and Ryusuke, or Koyuki, and once Chiba and Beck, because Ryusuke had weaseled Chiba into walking the dog and his feet had carried him here.

Sometimes, it's just to talk.

But today, when my door slammed open, I knew it was because Chiba was fucking _pissed_.

"Bastard! Mother-fucking - uggh!" He kicked off his shoes and pushed his way inside, bruises fresh across his knuckles and on his face.

'Chiba, what the hell? What's wrong?" I was on my feet in an instant, and Chiba shoved me against the wall so hard the picture frames mounted above us rattled.

"...Bastard, that bastard..." I heard him mutter before he pushed his mouth roughly against mine. This kiss wasn't gentle, it was hard and rough and felt like he was devouring me, searching for something that could fix the pain welling up inside of him. I felt the remnaints of tears on his cheek as he tilted his face and his nose bumped against mine. As he forced my mouth open with his and consumed me. I felt like I was drowning, and I could barely keep my hands clenched against the fabric of his shirt.

Chiba broke apart, gasping, it sounded almost like he was hyperventalating. Panicking, like a frightened dog.

"I hate him, I fucking hate him!"

"Who?" I whispered, desperatly searching his eyes, reaching up and running my finger against the curve of his cheekbone.

And then Chiba seemed to deflate, all the anger rushing out of him, leaving him looking exhausted.

"My dad." He chokes out, and saggs against me, resting his head on top of mine. I shiver, still pinned to the wall and feel Chiba's wet lips brush my forehead. Then the corner of my eye. Then travel down, brushing against my nose and my bottom lip, stopping at my neck. I'm expected him to kiss me again, to start biting and sucking and to lead me down a firmilliar trail of passion. But he doesn't. His hands are shaking, I can't see his face, hidden as it is in the crook of my neck, my chin is resting ontop of his head, in his curls, he seems so very weak. Then, his lips ghost over my skin as he speaks, and I have to close my eyes.

"Taira, I love you."

My eyes fly open, and my body spirals into shock, because there was no way - no fucking way - that he just said what I thought he said. But Chiba had already pulled away, and within to seconds was out the door.

Numbly, I noticed he'd forgotten his shoes.

***

Love is odd because so many people underestimate it. So many people think love is all they need, a thing of romanticized fairy-tales and oversung ballads. Here's the truth. Love is a bitch. Love is mean. Love likes to taunt you. Love likes to give you the thing you've been yearning for and then take it away. Like how I've been waiting months to hear those words Chiba whispered against my neck almost two weeks ago, and I haven't seen him since.

He's really avoiding me.

He's not answering his phone.

I never see him at work.

He's not coming to band practice. Which has Ryusuke, by the way, seeing red, because it doesn't matter how talented any of us are. It doesn't matter that Ryusuke is undoubtedly one of the best guitarists of our time. It doesn't matter how focused I am with my bass, of how Koyuki's voice can pierce right through your soul, or how Saku's beats thrum in your chest. It doesn't matter, because without everyone there, we're just not BECK.

***

I was eating soba in my underwear when Chiba finally showed up. It had been three weeks since I'd last seen him. He didn't knock, or ring the doorbell, and truthfully I have no clue how he got in because, well, the door was locked. But that's not the point. The point is that I burned my toungue with the hot broth and swore a rainbow and had never been more _happyangryconfusedsad_ because Chiba was there.

I stared at him, self-concious because I hadn't brushed my teeth yet and probably looked like shit. But his eyes were filled with so much hurt that fifty-million "I'm sorrys'" jumped to my toungue even thought I had nothing to apologize for.

"I'm sorry." It was Chiba saying it, his voice was low. And his eyes looked dark, like he was in pain. "I'm sorry, okay?'

He sat down next to me, taking the bowl of noodles out of my hand and setting it on the table. We had sex on that table once, him bending me over the side of it and biting down on my shoulder so the neighbors wouldn't hear. I don't know why the memory suddenly jumps to mind.

"Taira, listen. I'm sorry that I said it, and I wish I didn't mean it but I can't help it. I want you so bad it feels like I'm bleeding without you."

I wondered if the red stain spreading across his cheeks was a blush, I'd never seen him blush before. It made me want to reach over and see if the skin was warm. My head was spinning, this was just too strange.

"Did you mean it?" I didn't even know what I was saying, it felt like I was in some weird alternate demension, where everything was happy and I could feel my heart pounding in my ears.

"Yeah." He said, and his eyes looked so soft when he said it, like smudged coal, that it made my heart go: "Oh."

Oh, because this is what bliss felt like. I was smiling, grinning like an idiot and I just couldn't stop it. "Oh."

"Chiba." I whispered, against his lips. "Prove it."

It took him a split second, and then he was smiling too.

***

Chiba likes to tease, to get on people's nerves and bother. Most of all, he loves it when he knows something someone else doesn't. And I tell him we really have to tell them, soon, but his only reply is a wicked grin and: "But Taira-Kun, where's the fun in that?"

Later, we're sitting on the floor of Saku and Koyuki's shared apartment and the band is baffled because Chiba just told them he's been seeing a hot blonde and for the life of them they can't guess her name.

Though Maho winks at me, and I have a feeling she knows.

Later still, after practice, when Chiba has me pressed up against a wall, I'm gasping inbetween kisses that we really should tell them soon. But then Chiba whispers that it's so much more fun to sneak around and grinds his hips into mine and I find myself agreeing as I hungrily kiss him once more.

Because everyone will find out soon enough, and the world will keep on turning and everything will (hopefully) be the same as it always is except a little more gay for me and Chiba. Which is fine, just dandy actually, 'cause I can't wait to see the faces of those girls at the next show when Chiba and I will have to inform them in the most graphic way possible that I am, indeed, taken.

There's a flash, and a giggle, and I peal myself off of Chiba just in time to see Maho grinning behind her camera. The rest of BECK standing behind her. Saku is giving us a thumbs up now, though he still looks suprised. Koyuki, so innocent, has his mouth gaping open, Ryusuke looks like he doesn't know what to think this time. I look up at Chiba, my hands still in his hair, and whisper "Fuck it." A split second before his lips are against mine once again. Because really, they would've found out eventually.

***

We're at Remedy after a live when Koyuki pops the question and Maho is spitting out her drink in a very Maho-like way, yet bursting into tears and yelling "Yes, yes!" In a very un-Maho-like way at the same time.

Before I know it, two of my best-friends are engaged.

Saku, of course, is asked to be the best man, and Ryusuke mutters something about how this isn't the classiest place to make a proposal but "It'll do." Then Koyuki looks me in the eye and I decide that maybe he isn't such a kid after all.

'Taira, listen; you and Chiba are two of my best friends, and I want you to know that not only do I want you at the wedding, but I also want to talk to you. I want you both to go to the wedding together, as in: as dates. I don't think it's right for you guys to hide in the shadows just because some people may not like it."

The table goes silent, and I feel Chiba tense beside me, he's still akward about the whole thing, even though the only people who know are the members of BECK, our friends. He's still uncomfortable showing me affection in front of them, so we usually act the way we always do, saving passion for behind closed doors. Chiba won't even admit that he's gay, he says he's just gay for me. Though now that I think of it, I've never seen him go after a girl. Not once.

'I agree." Ryusuke speaks suddenly, breaking the silence. "We can't be dishonest to our fans, there will be some hate, I'm sure. But in the end it would probably be better for you two to come out rather than be discovered."

I grip Chiba's hand under the table, because I don't care either way, this decision is up to him and I would go along with whatever he says. Chiba looks up at everyone at the table: Koyuki, who is both a talented rival and a little brother. Saku, who somehow held us all together. Maho, who didn't play an instrument or sing, but was as much a part of BECK as any of us. Ryusuke, who would do anything for this band and was now asking us to do the same. Through it all, I knew that BECK or no BECK, these people would always be there for me, and looking at Chiba I could tell he knew exactly the same thing.

He'd made his decision.

***

When I came out to my parents, I wasn't expecting much. I got my Mother's voice-mail and left her what I was sure would be the most akward message of her life. My Father picked up on the first ring, listened to me for about half a second: "Dad, I'm ga - " Before he mumbled something about being busy with paperwork and hung up the phone. All well, they'd find out soon enough, and I wasn't too worried about it. I was more worried about Chiba. We had decided we wouldn't bother with his Dad, but Chiba loved his Mom more than any other person on this earth, and if she didn't accept him, I think he'd break down.

But Chiba was determined to tell his Mom.

So we traveled to the poorest part of Kansai to sit at Chiba's childhood home for a meal before the annual Autumn Festival.

The house was tiny, but cozy, and looked like it had been full of love for the single Mother and her three boys. Chiba fondly showed me crooked lines drawn up in crayon against a doorframe, presumably to measure their height growing up. Chiba had been the shortest, so I wondered absently how he'd gotten taller than me.

When dinner was ready we all sat around a small table. Chiba's uncle was there, who I recognized from the noodle shop Chiba used to work at, way back when we'd first formed BECK. I was quickly introduced to Keira and Yuka, Chiba's brothers, and to Seira, his Mother.

She wasn't as old as I thought she'd be, so she must've started having kids when she was young. Somewhere between her late forties and early fifties, Chiba wasn't sure ("Everytime I ask she says she's twenty-nine.") Still though, it wasn't as if the years hadn't taken their toll. Chiba's Father had left when he was young, and his Mother had worked three jobs to support her boys. I felt a great respect for the cheerful woman who urged me to sit down and make myself comfortable.

I looked over at Chiba as Seira started serving the plates and he caught my drift. I clasped his hand underneath the table and squeezed.

"Ma?"

'Yes, hon?" Seira asked, pouring Chiba steaming hot miso soup.

"Mom, I'm gay." The words seemed to come out all in one breath, and Chiba closed his eyes tightly, awaiting her reaction.

"So?" She didn't even batt an eyelash, instead turning to me. "Taira, dear, you haven't touched your soup. Don't tell me you don't like it?"

If possible, I was more shocked than Chiba. I quicky shoveled a spoonful of the hot liquid into my mouth.

"No, Ma'am. It's delicious."

"Wonderful, the rice will be ready in a minute." She was all smiles. Amazing. Even Chiba's brothers didn't look like they cared about his confession, then again; one of them was deaf.

"Mom." Chiba stressed, desperatley, "You don't understand, I'm _gay _and Taira, Taira is - "

"Taira's your boyfriend!?' She squealed. 'Oh my gosh, why didn't you tell me! Taira, you're gonna have to call me "Mama Seira!" Oh I can't believe it, my little boy finally has found someone special!" She grabbed what she could reach of Chiba - mostly his head - and squeezed him in a cross between a death-grip and a headlock.

I met Chiba's eyes over his Mother's shoulders and knew this was all we could've hoped for (and I also now knew where Chiba got his respective weird, hyperactive-ness from.) I knew that not everyone would react like this, and there would be hard times, and fights, and almost-breakups and tears. But I knew there would also be times like this, where we'd have friends and family by our sides, and joy and un-believable make-up sex when we did fight. And right now I knew I was with a man who loved me, and that's all I needed.

***

Moving in together was a no easy task. My apartment had always been small, but with Chiba it felt even smaller, not to mention louder. And there were other problems too.

I was a neat freak, and Chiba... just wasn't.

He would never put the cap back on the toothpaste and didn't rinse off his dishes.

He couldn't cook, but still managed to eat everything in the fridge and liked to steal the blankets at night.

But then there were other times, when Chiba would make me coffee after work, or listen to me talk endlessly about bass though I knew he didn't give a damn, or when he'd kiss my neck softly and sing me to sleep.

There were times when he'd become somber and quiet and mature and all the man I knew he was, and I'd find myself forgetting that I was a year older.

Then there we're the the times when he'd be jumping out in rain puddles or talking nonsense and I'd wonder how I ever forgot.

Times when he'd come home after a fight and I would kiss away every bruise.

Moments when he'd make my breath catch in my throat with a single word or touch. Or when he'd give me that _look _and I knew soon he'd be fucking me into a mattress.

And I knew he stole the blankets just so I'd snuggle up to him.

Beause Chiba, and me, and BECK, we're all in this together. And I think Chiba and I would've met regardless, even if I'd refused Ryusuke's offer to be in the band when I had the chance. It's fate, it's gotta be with the way we are. Our relationship was, and still is in many ways, a one-shot-in-a-million gamble that some think we were foolish to take. But I know that if everytime I look at Chiba, I feel the way I do now, that we'll be just fine.

And we are.

***

The End.


End file.
